I am not a religious person. But maybe I want to be. I just dont know how. The problem with me believing in god now would be that I would be believing in him because he'd help me. And I dont want god to help me, I want him to help the people who need it. I know a lot of people who need it more than I do.
I dont want to turn to god in a crisis and expect him to save me. That just doesnt seem right to me. If and when I believe in god I want to do it without getting anything in return. I would want to do it because I want to do it and because I think its the right thing for me to do.
Ahhh I dont know how to explain it.
And the reason I got turned off on religion was in the first place was because I havent meet a lot of nice religious people. Most of them say Im going to hell or im the devil. And they act like theyre so righteous and better than other people just because they believe in god. And they treat people who are different than them so badly. And theyre hiprocrites preaching all this stuff and than completely ignoring their own words when it relates to themselves. And theyre ignorant hating and fearing anything they dont understand. And thats not right.
Obviously not all religious people are like that. But still the ones Ive met are. I dont know it just ruined religion for me at a young age, and I never really got back into it. But seeing the people around you so judgemental... I just never wanted to turn out like that.
When I was younger I thought of it like "If I believe in god I have at act like they do." And of course I didnt want that. But now that Im older Ive figured out that being like that isnt part of the religion.
I thought we all were children of god.