Thursday, January 22, 2009


( I cant sleep, Im high so im doing this at one am. Sorry if I dont make much sense)

1. You are very honest with your profile and I admire your openness and have a great deal of respect for you after hearing your story. Which issues listed in your profile still bother you?

Mostly the things that bother I have to deal with everyday. Even though I dont really deal with them. I would have to say Im bothered by my father, my disorders, and myself. Im really my biggest problem in my life. Im the reason bad things happen. Its always my fault and can be traced back to me. I dont know what the fuck is wrong with me. I guess I was born to screw up. Im just learning to live with myself. My true, unmedicated, fucked up self.

2. Which issues don't bother you anymore? What have you done to change yourself for the better?
All my issues still bother me. But I would have to say the abuse bothers me the least. Ive pushed it to the back of my mind. I dont think about it as often as I used to, and Im not having anymore nightmares. I would say Im over it, but Im not because Ive never really dealt with it, and I dont feel like ever dealing with it. I stopped overdoseing, getting drunk, and getting drunk and overdoseing (same time). And I think it changed me for the better. But Ive recently fallen back into it. So Im not sure if that counts... But Ive also stopped taking my prescibed medication. I did it to change for the better, but Im not sure if its really working out the way I intended it to.

3. You have archives that don't stretch to last year. Why did you start blogging in 2009? What do you hope to gain from this experience?

I started blogging in 2009 because I used to keep all this stuff to myself, and I felt like I was going to explode. Its like I needed to talk to someone, let someone know... Even if its some random person over the internet Ive never met before. It just feels so good to let it all out. Ive kept most of this stuff in my whole life. I also liked the idea of blogging because it was a way to help me come to terms with this stuff, because Ive never really dealt with it before. It was sort of like the first step of moving on with my life. Ive always feel like Im stuck, unable to move on. I hope by blogging Im able deal with some of my issues, and let some of the people that care about me know how Im coming along with my life.

4. How's school?

Well since I got kicked out of school and got placed into home hospital teaching things have been going pretty badly. I get some lady that comes to my house and gives me worksheets and textbooks. Basically I use the textbooks to look up answers for the worksheets. Pretty simple stuff, not very complicated. Well anway I started out getting A's and really trying my best, but now I really dont care anymore and have been getting D's and E's. Which is especially bad because I went from all honors to standard work. So Im failing standard work, thats just not me. And Ive lost most of my textbooks and worksheets that I needed... so yeah I hate school...

5. When the world goes all wrong, what would be a good idea is to look at the things that are right, good and beautiful. What about the world around you? In what ways is life good?

Life is good. Ive got amazing friends who would do anything and everything for me. And a family that loves me a supports my decisions (they let me stop taking my medicine). And they really just dont want to see me hurt and in pain. So I try my best to hide it from them. I dont wont to hurt them or make them worry...
recently whats also good about life is pills. Yeah I know I sound like a druggie but its true. Nothing like getting high and seeing how amazing the world is (even if its crashing down around you). Even taking pills and passing out for a little while is good. Life really is good.

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