Saturday, January 17, 2009


today im feeling better. For at least right now. Last night my mood was horrible. I managed cut some more, but besides that everything was fine. Well I just woke up and Im feeling numb, which I guess is better than feeling depressed. I just feel out of it. Like Im still dreaming adn none of this is real. Wow Im sorry Im not making any sense.


  1. "I just feel out of it. Like Im still dreaming and none of this is real."

    You say that doesn't make sense. I say it does. It's just one of those feelings that is incredibly hard to explain, hence leading to the confusion of others. But, I may have felt something similar on many occasions. Not the same, because I wouldn't know, but maybe similar.

    For me, it steadily paces itself as it comes on. It lasts for a number of minutes (generally around 10) and then I suddenly realise it's there. It's like I was zoned out before. And then, when I realise, I wonder if anything is real at all. I wonder if Im alive or dead, dreaming or awake, if anything that I'm seeing is real, or if it's all some sort of illusion. That realisation and feeling like nothing is real lasts for ages. Sometimes hours.
    It goes in and out.

    I don't think I've ever found someone else who's felt that. It tends to scare people a little when I explain it. Because I used to pretty much black out before I realised. Lose chunks of my memory. Once I was holding a razor when I came to, not that I did anything.
    But that doesn't happen anymore. I can remember those moments when they happen now, but everything is blurry. Not real. I'm completely fazed out.

    It's weird.

    I wish the best for you. I hope you really do manage to find your feet.

    Have you heard of "To Write Love On Her Arms"?
    It's an organisation designed to help teenagers deal with depression, self harm, addiction/substance abuse and suicide.

  2. Sometimes I feel like it's not real, life. I just sit there in class or lunch confused wondering why I am just sitting there. Wondering If I am going to wake up any minute, or If I am going to do something stupid, thinking it's a dream. Sometimes I am pretty out of it.