Friday, January 23, 2009

ive done something stupid

I know thats probably not a good way to start out a post, but whatever. So I havent been taking my medicine, and its really been affecting me. I had no idea how much stuff the medicine did for me. I didnt like it becuase it made me sad and it had some bad side effects, and I just all around hate having to take medicine and rely on it. But as soon as I stop taking it I go crazy, and start screwing up. That stuff kept me somewhat stable. I almost killed myself. And the evil inside of me comes out when i dont take it. Thats why im grounded. I become defiant, and just defy everyone and everything. But even though i know i should take my medicine im not going to. Id rather be living like this than stuck in one mood all the time. Im just going to have to deal with this, and get better self control. This is the person I am, and Im going to have to learn to live with myself. My unmedicated self, my true self. I am a bad person, but Im also going to change who I am. I know I can do it. And its going to be an interesting experince

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