Sunday, January 25, 2009

Ive really done it this time...

Ive taken three times the dose of my meds. Their prescription too. And I overdosed on some headache medicine, I feel like none of this is real and Im dreaming. Im coming in and out of reality. Im in a whole different world. Im really out of. I overdosed at three and Im still feeling the effects at eleven. I cant walk and my bodys not moving the way I want it to. I cant feel my legs and I cant really move them. Its scaring me so badly. I have to keep telling myself Im not dreaming. Im trying to convince myself its not a dream. I dont think its a dream because its way to realistic and there are so many details. But I still cant help feeling disconnected from everything. Im seriously scared to go to sleep. Im scared I will never wake up. I have to keep moving and not fall asleep. But Im so tired. Im just scared.

1:30 am:

I was tired but now Im not. I just cant sleep. Overdosing is starting to take its toll on me. I havent been sleeping since I started overdosing again. So I have huge bags under my eyes. I look like a panda lol. Im starting to look paler, Im losing weight because I havent been eating, And my eyes are red. So now Im really starting to look like a druggie...

5:20 am ish:

Wow. Im still out of it. Still coming in and out of reality (I took more pills) but its not freaking me out anymore. So yeah... I guess I got used to it. Now Im shaking and my bodys moving and Im not telling it to... so yeah. Ive given up on the idea of sleeping today. Its probably not going to happen... I keep tasting blood... for some reason blood is collecting in my mouth...sorry if thats too much information... My reflection is still shocking me I look so sickly...


  1. You're right to not want to go to sleep... you should call 911, like, now! One time I overdosed on Advil (that's an understatement; I took a whole damn supersize bottle and nearly died) and I kept coming in and out of sleep and I couldn't stop throwing up in between... that was the worst night of my life. Please call 911. Please.

  2. Hi, I'm a new follower. My name's Louise, I'm from the Philippines. I'm kind of... inclined to you... You're not the average emo or suicidal-but-scared-of-doing-it girl. You're so... open about your condition.

    Do you mind if I say these things? Am I too frank or annoying?
    I'm inclined to you.

  3. Damn, girl! I'm bi-polar too, and my dad left me, but...I dunno...I'm not overdosing or anything...!! The world is in a sorry state..

  4. I see no point in lying. Its not like anybody cares what I have to say, or really what happens to me. I have no problem with people being frank... I guess its because Im quite frank most of the time. Ive chosen my life, based on the desicions Ive made. Now Im going to have to live with it. The hardest part is living with yourself. Constantly not living up to your own standards, and living with the guilt of your mistakes. My life is messed up because I messed it up, and im not doing anything about it. Ive given up. So noone should feel sorry for me or anything im fucking up my life and I dont care.Once I gave up and stopped caring Ive sealed my own fate as a failure.

  5. I don't feel sorry for you. But I do want to know what do you mean no one cares about what you have to say. Haven't you noticed that all your followers read your every post because we actually give a damn?